The other day I wrote a post on my blog about the similarities I see between sex and worship from the perspective of the gospel. I summed it up, saying this:

• Worship is an outpouring of all of who we are to God, accepted in spite of our imperfections because of Christ, drawing near to God and into intimacy with Him, enjoying Him and expressing that joy–not just because we want to but also because it is commanded by Him—and finally is a renewal and celebration of our covenant with Him.

• And sex is an outpouring of all we are to our spouse, accepted in spite of our imperfections because of the marriage covenant, drawing near to one another in intimacy, enjoying one another and expressing that joy–not just because we want to but also because it is commanded by God—and finally is a renewal and celebration of our covenant with our spouse.

So if I take these basic elements and look at them, what does it tell me about being a worship leader? This post is more about helping you ask the right questions, not necessarily giving you a formula based on sex. For instance, considering the definitions above, when thinking about sex would it be helpful to ask the following:

• What does it mean to give all of who I am to my spouse? In what ways do I struggle with that?
• Does my spouse feel accepted in spite of his/her imperfections? What would that radical kind of acceptance do for us? How can I lead my spouse into that vulnerable yet wonderful place?
• How can I draw near to my spouse? What does intimacy mean to my spouse? (you should actually ask them)
• What are the different and wonderful ways my spouse and I can enjoy one another? Does that always have to look the same? (guys make a note of this one!) How do I lead in? How am I patient, excited, joyful, solemn, careful or fun?
• How do I express my enjoyment of my spouse? Do I express it at all?
• If my body does not belong to me (1 Corinthians 7) but also to my spouse, are there ways in which I’m holding back? More specifically, since I am called to oneness with my spouse, how am I actively moving towards that in regard to sex?

• Finally, is sex with my spouse a celebration and renewal of our covenant, or simply a business transaction?

Likewise, when planning and leading your worship sets wouldn’t it be justifiable to ask the following:

• What does outpouring all of who I am say about my own worship when I lead worship? Am I calling God’s people to do the same, modeling it, teaching it, and celebrating it?
• Are people—believers and non-believers—confronted with the truth that their sin is totally exposed before the Lord but they are still accepted through Christ? How do I lead them into that vulnerable yet wonderful place?
• If there are people who don’t know Jesus in the room, are there opportunities for them to engage, process and respond to the truth in the question above?
• What does intimacy with God look like in a room with other people?
• How can I help others realize and express the attributes of God’s character they enjoy? How will that differ from week to week? Will it be joyous? Solemn? Excited? Fun? Reflective? How do they participate and engage with what you’re doing to lead them?
• If we belong to the Lord, how can I lead God’s people to worship in obedience? Are we worshiping for our own enjoyment or in obedience and gratitude before the Lord because he enjoys it (Psalm 69:30-31)?
• Do they need to be confronted with the things they worship instead of God (idols like people, jobs, money, and things)?

• Finally, if worship is an opportunity for God’s people to renew and remember His promises, does my worship leading reflect these truths? Am I pointing people towards the renewal and celebration of their covenant relationship with God?

The point is—whether in sex or in leading worship—be intentional. When you prepare and lead worship each week, just as when you unite with your spouse, the needs you are addressing may be different each time. We need to understand and think intentionally about engaging others in this intimacy—whether horizontally with each other or vertically with God. We need to remember that deep intimacy is not based on a formula. The same words or songs or touch you used last time might now work next time. You may be initiating something the other party is not even ready for. So how will you be aware and respond to that—as a lover or a leader?
Pastor Josh Dix